Tuesday, September 23, 2014
I have to admit...I've been in a dark place the last few months. Pain is a powerful thing. I happen to suffer from physical pain but I recognize that emotional and mental pain can be just as powerful (if not more)...Pain paralyzes you and limits you from moving forward...it keeps you stuck...trapped in a cloud. It consumes you, plays tricks on your mind, it haunts you, and keeps you from being your best.
As a woman, how do you push through the pain? Like I've said many times before in this blog...nothing against my brothers, but I'm a woman and I can really only speak from a woman's perspective. Women are generally the backbone of the family ... They keep things humming along... Every woman is different. Some women are mothers, they care for the children...some are daughters they care for aging parents...some women are wives...they support their husbands... Some women are single... They support themselves. Regardless they all have a major role to play...so when pain comes in...there is no time to stop, because if you do...who is gonna do all that stuff? Plus, guilt sets in because women (in my opinion) are naturally nurturers...so if you have to "attend" to your pain (by you I mean me) you feel like you are neglecting something else.
Slowly but surely I'm beginning to free my self from the death grip pain has on me...I'm realizing that my pain is telling me something. Things are out of alignment. For me it's my left hip that is causing me excruciating pain...it has literally brought me to an almost complete stop...it causes me to be a slave to my bed. I don't sleep well, I fight back tears as I limp around at work, my social life is pretty much nil, and my self esteem is suffering. I'm sure at this point you are like, "but I thought you said you were getting free?" See that's the beauty of suffering...if you open your spirit enough...you find the purpose for your pain. Trust me, there's always a purpose. Remember you ARE Gods design...he already knew what you would go through, so this is your assignment. Accepting my assignment and listening to the spirit, I was able to see the seed God has planted. What I haven't quite been able to see is exactly how he wants me to sow the seed...that's okay....that is where my faith is being activated. For now, I'm gonna keep pushing and pressing my way. My pain has taught me a few things...1) I'm stronger than I ever knew 2) how to sit still 3) how to RECEIVE unconditional love 4) to share my story 5) God continues to keep me by His power, strength, grace, and mercy 6) recognition of what is most important 7) how to rest 8) that it's okay to take care of myself 9) I am not alone 10) how to move in faith
These are daily lessons...I haven't passed the test yet...but I'm listening and I'm learning...Pressing...Pushing...Praying...through my pain.
If you are suffering from pain, I pray you open your spirit to discover its purpose...
"So if you see me cry it's just a sign that I'm still alive...I've got some scars but I'm still alive. In spite of calamity, He still has a plan for me..And it's working for my good...And it's building my testimony." ~Marvin Sapp
Friday, January 17, 2014
Today I pushed myself and decided to try out chair yoga. I thought with my current physical limitations, this would be a good fit for me. I arrived at the studio, explained my physical limitations to the instructor, and spoke of how excited I was to try some gentle yoga. The first thing out of her mouth was, "well we don't really use the chair that much, except for support...can you get down on the mat?" Instantly, I felt the anxiety monster rising up. I started thinking "I can't even do this stupid gentle yoga...no I can't get on the stupid floor" but I just said, "all I can do is try my best." Then she said and "we will just modify what you can't do." So we began, there were lots of movements I couldn't do, but with the modifications I was able to participate the entire hour. Instead of getting in the mat, I did modified movements in the chair. At the end she gave us a quote to meditate on (paraphrased):
No one said life would be free of difficulty, but I am free to accept the challenge of this life. The challenge to change or adjust with difficulty or the challenge to remain and accept the way things are at the present moment.
It seems like I'm having a great deal of difficulties right now, my difficulties are health related, but maybe yours are something else. Whatever they are we are all free to accept the challenge. I don't think there is a right or wrong way to accept the "challenge" just that you accept it.
I ended last year so excited about what the future would hold. What new lessons awaited? It has started off a little bumpy. It seems like this year is definitely going to be about acceptance and trust. Trusting God despite what it looks like. Accepting his will for my life. Trusting that if he plants a seed in me, that he has a way for it to grow. Accepting that it's okay for me to make and accept modifications to achieve goals. Accepting and asking for help when I need it. Most importantly, accepting the challenge and not giving up.
Today was a huge victory for me...I overcame emotional and physical obstacles and accomplished a goal...chair yoga.
If like me, life is seeming overwhelming right now, my prayer is that you will find a way to break it up in bite size pieces, set small goals, and celebrate every victory and accomplishment (no matter how small it may seem). Most importantly, my prayer for you and me is that we know and believe in the power of God, that we trust him, and know that nothing is too hard for our Lord.
"Behold, I am The Lord, the God of all living flesh. Is there anything too hard for me?" Jeremiah 32:27 (Amplified)