Thursday, January 20, 2011

winds of change

I feel really excited about the possibilities that lie ahead. This year is starting off pretty good, some things that I needed to let go or gone, some things I needed to change are changed, some things I needed to begin have begun. I think that is a good start. I may not be where I want to be, but I thank God, I am not where I used to be. I am really excited about some social activities I have coming up, getting involved in my community, and possibly joining a church. I realized over the last year I was in a self-imposed isolation, now it is time to come out and open myself back up to the universe. Sometimes we need to be isolated, to get alone with ourselves, the good, the bad, and the ugly, but you cant stay there. However, it is so easy to stay there, because it takes MAD ENERGY to be out in the land of the living. It takes physical, mental, and emotional energy! I realize it is okay to take time to refuel and rejuvenate and reflect, but I just have to make sure that I do just that! I have been traveling almost every weekend except one since 12/17 and I am TIRED. This weekend and for the next several weekends, I am looking forward to being in my own space, taking care of my home, getting rest and refueling for the next round of events. I still plan to get out and about, but it will be I can sleep in my own bed! LOL. It's all about balance for me and I am working really hard to get balanced in all areas. I am also working on learning to "stay in my lane" and knowing what my strengths and weaknesses are. When I was married, my ex-husband used to always say to me, "you don't think you are a leader, but you are a leader." He would encourage me to "make things happen" and to create the life I wanted. I recall feeling very lonely and as a result of my desire for companionship I created a Book Club. I never imagined it would be as successful as it was, but it lasted for 5 years and we all went through life changing experiences together while reading wonderful books together. I miss the ladies in that book club so much, but I realize that everything isn't meant to last forever. Some things are meant to be precious memories and introduce you to people who will influence your life but may not be in your life forever. I remain close to many of my old "book club" members and we all have a bond that I believe will last for a lifetime, even if we don't see each other or talk to each other frequently. My book club taught me many things: 1) I missed reading 2) opening yourself up to other people can be a safe place 3) I am a leader 4) real women celebrate, motivate, and encourage each other 5) life changes so quickly so love the moment you are in

So here I am again, needing to take charge and create the life I want, needing to open myself up to others again, needing to truly nurture my soul through literature and scripture, explore my interests, and connect with the universe spiritually, physically, and emotionally. When you send love in to yourself, it can't help but be sent out to the universe, and when you send love out, then love comes back. It's the boomerang effect...what you put out is what will come back. If you want a friend, you must show yourself as a friend first. In life, it is truly what YOU make one day at a time, I continue my glad the winds of change are blowing in my life once again!

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.
Isaiah 43:18-19

Tuesday, January 11, 2011


So we are on the 11th day of many of your New Year's resolutions have you kept? Resolutions are easy to make, but hard to keep. I realize it is really all about a renewing of the mind and those that are around you. Like your mother probably said, "birds of a feather flock together." My biggest resolution is to hang around positive people. I know life is hard and we all have negative experiences that we could harp on, but where does that really get you? I realize I am affected by other people's energy, so it is my goal to only surround myself with positive energy. If that means I lose a few people, oh well...what I will gain is worth so much more. I still plan to talk about life, my it will be some negative in it, but I will always balance it with a positive spin. For example, my single woman plight continues. However, over the past few weeks I have met several men. Unfortunately, none of them panned out to anything. It's all good, because at least it reminded me that "mama's still got the mojo." LOL. The best part is that I am getting back out and opening myself back up to the possibility of love. I reflected on the place I was in 10 years ago when I met my future husband and future ex-husband (it's all good)....I was really in a good place. I was happy and I wasn't focused on my problems. I must have been putting positive energy out because my life was full of friends and year it seemed like I couldn't make any connections! Not just with men, but with females too...I know it was because I was being guarded. That came from being hurt by people I trusted and the guilt I carried from those I hurt. So this year I dropped those bags and opened myself back up. I realized even with all that hurt I am still standing, living, and moving forward. Most importantly, without all those experiences I wouldn't be where I am today or who I am today. So I count it ALL joy! This year will not be about resolutions...I take them all back...everyday I will just work on being a better, healthier, happier me..this year will be about a life revolution! It will be about getting BACK to happy, BACK to who God created me to be, BACK to me.

There's hope
It doesn't cost a thing to smile
You don't have to pay to laugh
You better thank God for that~ India.Arie

You turned my wailing into dancing;
   you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy
Psalm 30:11