Tuesday, September 23, 2014
I have to admit...I've been in a dark place the last few months. Pain is a powerful thing. I happen to suffer from physical pain but I recognize that emotional and mental pain can be just as powerful (if not more)...Pain paralyzes you and limits you from moving forward...it keeps you stuck...trapped in a cloud. It consumes you, plays tricks on your mind, it haunts you, and keeps you from being your best.
As a woman, how do you push through the pain? Like I've said many times before in this blog...nothing against my brothers, but I'm a woman and I can really only speak from a woman's perspective. Women are generally the backbone of the family ... They keep things humming along... Every woman is different. Some women are mothers, they care for the children...some are daughters they care for aging parents...some women are wives...they support their husbands... Some women are single... They support themselves. Regardless they all have a major role to play...so when pain comes in...there is no time to stop, because if you do...who is gonna do all that stuff? Plus, guilt sets in because women (in my opinion) are naturally nurturers...so if you have to "attend" to your pain (by you I mean me) you feel like you are neglecting something else.
Slowly but surely I'm beginning to free my self from the death grip pain has on me...I'm realizing that my pain is telling me something. Things are out of alignment. For me it's my left hip that is causing me excruciating pain...it has literally brought me to an almost complete stop...it causes me to be a slave to my bed. I don't sleep well, I fight back tears as I limp around at work, my social life is pretty much nil, and my self esteem is suffering. I'm sure at this point you are like, "but I thought you said you were getting free?" See that's the beauty of suffering...if you open your spirit enough...you find the purpose for your pain. Trust me, there's always a purpose. Remember you ARE Gods design...he already knew what you would go through, so this is your assignment. Accepting my assignment and listening to the spirit, I was able to see the seed God has planted. What I haven't quite been able to see is exactly how he wants me to sow the seed...that's okay....that is where my faith is being activated. For now, I'm gonna keep pushing and pressing my way. My pain has taught me a few things...1) I'm stronger than I ever knew 2) how to sit still 3) how to RECEIVE unconditional love 4) to share my story 5) God continues to keep me by His power, strength, grace, and mercy 6) recognition of what is most important 7) how to rest 8) that it's okay to take care of myself 9) I am not alone 10) how to move in faith
These are daily lessons...I haven't passed the test yet...but I'm listening and I'm learning...Pressing...Pushing...Praying...through my pain.
If you are suffering from pain, I pray you open your spirit to discover its purpose...
"So if you see me cry it's just a sign that I'm still alive...I've got some scars but I'm still alive. In spite of calamity, He still has a plan for me..And it's working for my good...And it's building my testimony." ~Marvin Sapp