I know it has been a long time...I made one of the mistakes I often tend to make...getting sidetracked! Or rather not taking time for me. I guess a better statement is not taking the time to do the things I want to do or need to do, or not doing the things I need to do but don't want to do (i.e., going through mail). My mommy tells me is there is always something that needs to be done (like that unopened mail...lol), it's up to me to take advantage of those times when I am alone to be productive or to reconnect to myself or those things I enjoy...like blogging :-)
It's easy to get caught up with people or activities, then you become dependent on those things, neglect yourself, and then boom....all those people and activities are unavailable or gone. Then you are left alone and bored. I've come a long way, but I admit I am one of those people who hates being alone. I've adjusted to it, because I had to, but it is still one of my least favorite things to do. In the last year, I've felt alone more than I've felt connected. One of my friends reminds me that being in the "wilderness" can be a good thing, and it has in many ways, but it is still horrendously hard! I guess we weren't meant to be alone. I even read a spiritual devotional this morning and it talked about one of the four human weaknesses is fear of being alone. If you are like me, you are one of those person's that has to answer the phone when it rings or return a text as soon as it comes. Part of it is politeness and part of it is the need to feel connected. My goal is to get comfortable in being disconnected, to carve out a time in the day that is just for me (without interruption), and to find peace in solitude.
I am realizing that in the end, whether I am single or in a relationship, in a city with all of friends and family or a city by myself, I have to depend on myself and on God. In the end, that is all any of us have. My mommy used to say (at the height of my spirals of being alone) that man will always let you down, but God won't, so learn to depend on him. I guess I am still learning that. Being alone is also a great time to pray and reconnect with God. It is in these silent moments,when you can hear from God and commune with him. I believe there is a lot God wants me to hear from him, and a lot he wants to hear from me. I've been asking myself, "what do the lonely do at Christmas?" I guess, they do what everyone else does, put up decorations and spend time with friends and family, or as one my friends said "grin and bear it." In the end, we are not truly alone, for God is with us...How awesome is that?
“A time is coming and in fact has come when you will be scattered, each to your own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me." John 16:32
What does the lonely do at Christmas?!?! Praise God you nor I will never know...we are in relationship with The Most High...and He has supplied us with earthly relationships of value...so, um, we are not lonely...and I concur, depend on yourself, for God, in His Infinite Wisdom has designed/equipped you with all that you need for this journey...keep writing...keep sharing; Good stuff sis!!!
ReplyDeletethanks sis! I plan to do a better job...thank God I know HIM like I do..
ReplyDeleteAwesome passage, "what does the lonely do at Christmas?" Perhaps, you're as lonely as you allow yourself to be...uhm.....but,you're truly never ever alone.
ReplyDeleteSelah Milski...aloneness and loneliness don't have to mean the same thing. Walk through your wilderness sis....
ReplyDeletethanks Eb..I am learning that the wilderness can be the perfect place to find yourself.
ReplyDelete@anonymous: I guess we are only as alone as we allow ourselves to be, but sometimes it feels like it's hard to find others to combat the loneliness. Still,as you said, in the end I know I am not alone. I am just learning to appreciate solitude.